I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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