No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
