I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
