I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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