Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
