your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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