they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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