Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
