Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
