Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
