I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
