Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i came on her dog
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
