My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
