I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
