My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
