I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
