if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
