I want to have your abortion
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
