I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
