Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
