it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
