I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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