you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
