I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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