So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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