I'm going to rape someone's good day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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