I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
