On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
COCAINE IS GR8
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