how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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