Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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