broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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