I wish I could punch you in the face.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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