It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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