I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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