Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
