He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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