I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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