my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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