I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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