my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
