Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
