my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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