i think my mom watched the whole time
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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