im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
