What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
