If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
