apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
