You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
