somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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