she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
