You did not just play the dead husband card again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
