I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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