I wish my penis had an off switch
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
