He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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