i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
