I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
