Umm I'm too high to move.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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