im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
