Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pants are for mortals
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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