I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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