i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
