i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
